Q: I’ve noticed a lot of new dogs in our neighborhood lately. They haven’t attacked me or any of my action figure siblings yet, but I know it happens a lot. What should we do?

A: Whatever you do, don’t carry dog treats to try to pacify the beasts—it just makes you smell like a dog treat. (I heard about an action figure who tried that—they called him Stumpy.)

The way I understand it, handling a dog is really about attitude. I’ve seen a home video of three big Dobermans running from one little Cocker Spaniel just because she acted like the boss of them. Dogs are pack animals and follow the strongest leader, so be that leader. Use a strong, firm voice and make clear that you’re the boss. That’s what I would do.

Q: Our neighbors recently got a kitten. It hasn't attacked me or any of my action figure siblings yet, but we are afraid it is only a matter of time. One of my brothers has the crazy idea that he wants to tame it and ride it around. What should we do?

A: Lock your brother in a room and don’t let him out until he admits that he isn’t He-Man and there’s no such thing as a Battle Cat. Just kidding . . . not really. How has your brother survived this long?

Cats are a big problem for living action figures—many of us get mauled because they’re hard to hide from and very tough to intimidate. Personally, I avoid them. But if I’m ever attacked by a cat, I won’t go down easy. If humans can sometimes fight off sharks with a punch to the snout, maybe action figures can fight off cats the same way. It’s worth a try.

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